On the eve of 2018, we wait for the new year. We’ve been waiting and waiting, haven’t we? I certainly did. I waited so long ago, because I failed so early and at so many things in January and February and every other month. So, in November and early December, I waited for that clean slate. To wash out my 2017 sins. I let myself fall into a catatonic state and did absolutely nothing during these months…all for that clean state.
Because 2018.. New found motivation. New beginnings. And so I wait around.
I realise a few things, I know that I won’t ever be perfect and that my life will be one big continual improvement and that’s okay. But, I can’t wait for change. I can’t wait for the lights in the sky to turn into confetti. All that waiting. Only to start it all over again when the next year flashes around.
I was waiting for someday. I was always waiting. I am always waiting. Someday, I’ll be better with my money. Someday, I’ll write more. Someday, I’ll read that classic novel. Someday.
When exactly is that day?
Yes, it’s amazing what the start of a new year can bring. It can stir up the same emotions of anticipated first date. You feel giddy. Possibilities are endless. You dress up. Spray on some perfume. You’re funny and witty. You’re invincible. You can do this. You can do everything. You are everything. The next day, you’re a little groggy but you wake up early anyway and go for that morning jog. You want to look good for this year. This year is different. It’s not like all the other years you’ve dated in the past. You’ve learnt from your mistakes. February is nearing, and all that giddiness, all that motivation is fading. You’re ready to break up with this year Maybe, start again next year. New year. New me.
All that waiting.
December hits around. And all your goals? They’re never really fulfilled. Those first dates, were amazing, but tending to a long term year is hard. That requires work. Drudgery.
That shit is boring. And it’s hard. I’m going to restart my Netflix subscription and watch whatever is on there. Here, watching the moving pictures, I don’t have to think. I don’t have to try and power through the drudgery. I don’t have to get up in the morning and put on my adult pants. I can fully switch off. And for the most part, switching off can be fantastic – I’m a big fan of it. No one can be intentional 100% of the time.
But how much is too much?
Can you just let your life drift on by?
Can I just let my life drift on by?
What am I waiting for?
I could be my own change and not wait for some digits on a clock.